Why the Anxiety Doesn’t End at the Positive Test

I’ve noticed a recurring pattern in my work with women who have struggled with trying to conceive.

A common — and very understandable — mistake women make when trying to conceive is believing that anxiety will resolve itself once they reach the next milestone. They tell me, “I will feel better when…”

When I see two lines on a pregnancy test.
When I make it past the first trimester.
When the anatomy scan is normal.
When I’m finally holding my baby.

And when you’ve lived through infertility or loss, that belief makes sense. Infertility teaches you to stay alert, to scan for danger, to brace yourself emotionally. Hope can feel risky. Relief can feel temporary. You learn to survive by postponing peace.

But here’s what I’ve observed, again and again: when those milestones are reached, the anxiety rarely disappears. It simply changes shape.

The pregnancy test comes back positive, and fear shifts to the possibility of loss.
The anatomy scan is reassuring, and worry moves to movement counts and “what ifs.”
The baby arrives, and anxiety turns into constant monitoring — sleep, feeding, development, safety.
Or it collapses inward, becoming postpartum depression: heavy, quiet, and deeply confusing.

For some, anxiety latches onto fears about secondary infertility before their body has even had a chance to heal. For others, it shows up as comparison and self-doubt: Is my baby developing normally? Am I doing this right? Why doesn’t this feel the way I expected it to?

This isn’t a lack of gratitude.
It’s because when worry has been part of your daily life for a long time, it doesn’t automatically dissolve when circumstances improve.

This is why the idea that “I’ll deal with my mental health once I get there” can be so misleading.

There is no single milestone that reliably brings lasting relief.

And here’s the important part: that doesn’t mean you’re broken — and it doesn’t mean you’re doomed to feel this way.

You can feel better now, even in the middle of uncertainty. Even while TTC. Even while pregnant after loss. Even while adjusting to life postpartum with a history of reproductive trauma.

Support doesn’t require everything to be resolved first. You don’t have to “wait until you get there” to feel steadier, lighter, or more like yourself. Addressing anxiety or depression now doesn’t take away from hope — it strengthens it. It gives you tools, perspective, and relief that aren’t dependent on the next milestone going perfectly.

Feeling better doesn’t mean forgetting what you’ve been through.
It means learning how to carry it without it carrying you.

And that work can begin now.

At maybe motherhood, my mission is to help you feel mental health support no matter where you are in your reproductive journey. Check out our free Two Week Wait Survival here, and join the community for daily tips.