Anxiously Expecting: The Side of Pregnancy No One Talks About Enough
Pregnancy is often framed as a time of glowing skin, perfect ultrasound photos, and magical moments of bonding.
But for so many women — especially those who have walked through infertility, loss, or a long TTC journey — pregnancy can feel more like holding your breath than floating on a cloud.
If that’s you, I want you to know this:
You’re not broken. You’re not ungrateful. You’re not “thinking too much.”
You are human. And you are protecting a hope that once felt fragile.
The quiet truth: excitement and anxiety often come as a pair
From the outside, you might look like someone who “should” be celebrating.
But on the inside, your brain is trying to walk the tightrope between hope and fear:
Every symptom feels like a sign.
Every lack of symptom feels like a sign.
Every appointment is a countdown.
Every day in between feels like limbo.
You might feel guilty for not being purely joyful.
You might worry that stress is “bad for the baby.”
You might feel like you’re the only one whose pregnancy doesn’t match the Instagram version.
You’re not the only one. You’re just not hearing enough people say it out loud.
Why anxiety shows up during pregnancy — even when you’re thrilled
Your mind is wired for protection.
After any period of uncertainty — TTC, loss, IVF, long waits, or even simply caring deeply — your nervous system learns to scan for danger. It learns to anticipate disappointment, not because you’re negative, but because you’ve survived big emotions before.
So when pregnancy arrives, the brain doesn’t instantly switch into celebration mode.
It stays on alert, trying to shield you from anything that could hurt.
This isn’t a flaw.
This is physiology.
You can be grateful for the pregnancy you have… and still terrified of losing it.
Two truths can coexist:
You can love this baby already and feel afraid.
You can be excited and overwhelmed.
You can want this more than anything and find the waiting unbearable.
Pregnancy is uncertainty — day after day.
And uncertainty is one of the hardest emotional states for the human mind to sit in.
You’re not doing pregnancy wrong.
You’re doing something incredibly vulnerable with incredible strength.
What you can do when anxiety is running the show
Here are a few grounding strategies I use often with the women I support as a psychiatric NP:
1. Anchor yourself to “what is,” not “what if.”
Ask: “What do I know to be true in this moment?”
This interrupts the anxiety spiral without pretending the fear isn’t real.
2. Choose one or two trusted sources of information.
Not ten podcasts.
Not four group chats.
Not Google at 2 a.m.
3. Name your fear out loud.
Fear grows in silence. It shrinks when spoken.
4. Let joy in—but in doses that feel safe.
You don’t have to go all-in emotionally to be a good mom.
You’re allowed to bond slowly.
5. Remind yourself: anxiety is a sign of love, not failure.
Your brain is trying to protect you because this matters to you.
You’re not alone in this
If your pregnancy feels like a mix of hope, hesitation, and heart-protecting mental gymnastics, you are in good company — even if nobody else is saying it.
You deserve a space where your excitement and your fear are both welcome.
You deserve support that meets you in the messy middle.
And if you’re anxiously expecting, I’m so glad you’re here.
With love,
Katie
